There are two reasons why I cannot recommend self compassion enough as one of the most important and effective aspects of self care. One is based on personal experience. The second is based on the astounding evidence that is continuing to build from research in support of this. In a world with social media, capitalism and very good marketing, the rise of narcism, not feeling good enough, and general unhappiness is said to be rising significantly. We’ve all been feeling it, especially in the last few years. Now social media and capitalism aren’t going anywhere, so what can we do to cope in this modern day world (apart from live off grid and appear on a Ben Fogle TV show)? 

Self compassion is described as “acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? (Dr. Kirsten Neff, psychologist and self compassion don).

This self compassion allows us to think more rationally and then respond more appropriately and feel less overwhelmed in stressful and unpleasant situations. Not only is it helpful for ourselves, but the research has found that if we cannot be compassionate to ourselves, we can’t be authentically compassionate to others. 

As I mentioned, I’ve had personal experience with self compassion. One way I’ve seen how effective this can be is with my clients. Clients of mine who have in general been more self compassionate and kinder to themselves have been able to handle pain and injury more effectively. They have not been as burdened by the symptoms and so have had a quicker recovery and in general had a better quality of life.

I also practice self compassion daily. I started with specific self compassion meditations which had been recommended by a psychologist to help me when I had burnout post COVID. At first I was not totally convinced it would make a significant difference, but after a couple of months of daily practice I realised that I wasn’t feeling as mentally drained or anxious. I then practiced bringing it into my daily life as events unfurled throughout the day. For example, when a gentleman was very angry at me one morning for not moving down the train quick enough (I really was moving as first as I could!), I became aware that it had triggered my fight and flight response (heart beating faster, tension in my jaw, racing thoughts about how rude he was being and why me, etc). I applied some subtle self compassion by firstly holding my own hands. I know that sounds insane, but imagine how you’d respond to a friend or loved one in a difficult situation. Offering comforting touch by holding their hand or offering a hug is quite a common thing we do for others. So I basically did this for myself. I then thought, “this is really hard right now, and it makes sense that I’m upset. Lots of people can feel this way, I’m not alone. May I be safe, may I be peaceful, may I be kind to myself, may I accept myself as I am.” This allowed my fight response to stand down, I felt calmer and less upset, was able to let it go and was even able to give this man some compassion. Perhaps he was having a hard time in life or had had a bad sleep. The point was I took it less personally, I didn’t get into a fight with him which would not have made me feel good, and it didn’t ruin my day – or even my morning. 

Dr. Kirsten Neff has some brilliant self compassion meditations that are free on her website. Check them out here. 

If you would like to find out more, would like to organise a workshop or seminar with me, or work with me please just get in touch here! I would love to hear from you.